Colonel Mustard And The Dijon 5, Old Fruitmarket, Glasgow 04-02-24

Everybody's Happy, Everybody's Smiling, No-one Here is Sad Anymore!

If you’ve ever turned up at a house party when it’s already in full swing, about to peak and seems to be on the edge of getting wilder, that’s a start. Throw in the feel of an old hangar-style rave, a world-record attempt fitness class, a New Year ceilidh, a summer festival headliner set, and you’re nearly there. If you’ve never seen Colonel Mustard and The Dijon 5 that description’s only as good as saying the Mona Lisa’s just a painting. This band are amazing and really should be playing more often than they do.

We got to Glasgow’s stunning Old Fruitmarket venue just as the full band came on stage (and I do mean full band – I counted 13 of them) and launched into International Sex Hero with the entire crowd buzzing joining in with every line of this opener. That set the pace for the evening, and it just kept building. I was told to ‘expect the unexpected’ (one of the band’s motto’s) and there seemed to be a new addition or twist with every song. Straight away the crowded stage got busier as the band’s original backing singers joined for the next song, Gay Icon.

In true Celtic Connections style, as this was the closing night of the Glasgow music festival, the next tune was put on hold while the Colonel, John Thomas McMustard (a.k.a. John McAlinden), parted the crowd down the middle leaving a huge space, inviting the best dancers in the place to strut their stuff and show how good their moves were, to Dance Off and it wasn’t long before a chaotic ceilidh ensued. The audience participation continued in a mass squat-session with everyone bobbing up and down to Bouncy Ball and didn’t stop, again with The Colonel arranging the audience into various backing groups to join in with “Who Who Ha!”, “Who Ha!” or “Who Ha! Who Ha!” for Capturado.

More audience participation for Cross The Road, with the audience dancing our way from one side of the venue to the other and then some dancers invited onto stage, but not actually to dance – it was a full down-on-bended-knee marriage proposal. It was a “Yes!” and more audience participation, again at the request of the Colonel, to slow dance with the person next you for ‘if they’re your special person, don’t be creepy” for Country As Muck.

By the time The Laurettes, who provided a great support for the evening, came on to join in for the last few songs there were already dozens of people on the crowded stage and all hands were in the air for the joyous Peace Love and Mustard.

With so many of the crowd either in Mustard Yellow t-shirts, glitter or something more outlandish (there was a cow onesie on stage, a chicken, a monkey, an inflatable dinosaur outfit a few yellow top hats) there was no doubt that fans of the band are dedicated to “The Yellow Movement”. And by the end, to quote These Are Not The Drugs (You Are Looking For), Everybody’s Happy, Everybody’s Smiling, No-one Here is Sad Anymore. Including Me!

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